Wasting time.

Currently: I am sitting on my back porch listening to sappy love songs and the song of the south (chirping crickets). I am alone. I am peaceful. I have an unusual amount of energy and happiness in my heart for some reason. Even though the title of this post doesn’t seem so friendly. But here goes.

I am 26. I will be 27 in less than 2 months. I’ve learned time is the MOST valuable thing you can give someone, but people seem to forget that. I am currently in a relationship. This relationship is shy of 2 months old “officially” but this flame has been kindling for 4 years now, but within those 4 years…he disappeared….I got married then divorced and he reappeared. I was CRAZY for this man. He was a challenge. Yes this is my FWB from other posts. Now that he is finally “mine” I have realized something. This man does not value my time.

So what do I do? I am 27. Divorced. No Children. Broke as hell. I could break up with him and start all over, or I could hope for the best that he will somehow magically not be SO INCONSIDERATE.  I have spent my entire adult life pleasing others and going out of my way to make them happy, and I can’t remember a time someone has done that for me. Does it exist? Do men like the movies exist? of course not, but I do believe there are men out there that TRIES.

I read a quote earlier that made me think. ” A man will only put in work for a woman he really wants.” Maybe this man doesn’t really want me. But why would he be with me? Maybe he has the same thoughts about me as I do him.

Communication is KEY and I suck at it. I am not a religious person at all, but I pray I am making the best decision. I am turning it all over to God. He will show me the way, the direction. I have faith. I do pray for a sign or an answer.

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